By Alexandria Baker
One of the core experiences of college is sharing a space with a roommate at some point. For many, this begins in the dorms, with two roommates sharing a single room. In other cases, half a dozen people might share a house off campus.
Whatever your living situation, most people are usually just excited to have a space to call their own. Moving into a new apartment with new roommates is the start of a new chapter in your life. Maybe you’re looking forward to late nights partying with your friends or early mornings making pancakes, or maybe you’ll just be glad if they respect your space and don’t pry. Any way you slice it, living with roommates can be one of the best parts of college.
Until one day you want to make lunch, and can’t find a single clean plate in your kitchen because your roommate hasn’t done the dishes in two weeks. Or you’re trying to get some well-deserved rest and wake up to your roommate’s booming laughter as they joke around with their significant other. Or maybe you wish they would stop eating your leftovers in the fridge.
When it comes to living arrangements, disputes with roommates can easily become one of the biggest stressors in your life. Here are some tips to try and work things out before you reach the boiling point:
Dealing with messy roommates:
Disagreements about cleaning preferences is one of the most common issues between roommates. Usually, one person is tidier than the other, and feels disrespected by the messes left behind by their roommate. Meanwhile, the messy roommate may start to feel nagged or attacked by their more organized roommate.
An easy first step is to talk about the issue. Ideally, some sort of chore wheel or other equitable system should be established before you move in together. That way, when disputes occur, you can both refer back to the previously set standard. Pinterest has lots of ideas for such devices.
However, sometimes a chore wheel isn’t enough to get things done. If this is the case, try to be as honest and polite as possible when discussing the issue. If you’re trying to get your roommate to clean up after themself more, don’t be accusatory in the conversation. Keep it casual if you can, and try not to take it personally if your roommate didn’t realize their mess was upsetting you. On the flip side, if you feel that your roommate is constantly attacking you over relatively small things, try to be agreeable in finding a compromise. Suggest a certain spot in your common area where you can leave personal items with no guilt. If it’s an issue of doing chores on time, try to block out a specific day or time in your schedule to be committed to completing household tasks.
If you live on campus and continue to have problems, go to your RA. RAs are a great unbiased source to get mediation for your issues.
Working with opposing schedules:
Everyone is busy in college. Some people are early risers, getting up before the sunrise to hit the gym and get to class at 8 a.m. Others love sleeping in, working late and hanging out with friends until the wee hours of the morning. If you and your roommate are on opposite sides of the spectrum, these opposing schedules can create a lot of tension.
No matter what, college students need and deserve a good night’s sleep. If you’re constantly being woken up by your roommate coming in late at night, slamming the door behind them and turning on lights, it’s understandable that you would be grumpy about it.
The key here (as with most things) is compromise. You can’t expect your roommate to give up their nightlife just so you can sleep. However, asking them to try and be conscious of the fact that you are sleeping and not to slam the door is completely within your rights. Additionally, you can’t expect them to stumble around in your pitch black apartment every night. They may need to turn on some lights for a few minutes while they get ready for bed. Acknowledging these needs will make your roommate more agreeable when you ask them not to use the glaring overhead light, and instead to use the soft desk lamp when they come in.
On the other side of this issue, if you are an early riser, and your roommate sleeps till noon every day, they probably don’t appreciate it when you blast your music in the shower or slam things around in the kitchen while you make breakfast. Being cognizant of these needs will make it easier for all parties involved to make minor adjustments to improve each other’s lives.
If you share a dorm room, this issue becomes more pressing, as it’s hard to adjust in such a small space. Talk openly about your preferences, and try not to be too defensive or accusatory. Sleeping masks and earplugs may become the best tools in this situation.
Finding balance with their friends:
When you first met your roommate, you might have been ecstatic that they were such a social butterfly. You loved hanging out with them, and enjoyed their friends, too. But as the quarter wore on, and your workload increased, you might have grown tired of the constant stream of people in and out of your space.
This can be a tricky one to deal with, since your roommate has a right to a social life and it’s their space as much as it is yours. In case you still haven’t seen the pattern yet, the best thing to do here is compromise. Acknowledge your roommate’s need for social interaction, and have an honest conversation with them. Make it known that you may need a little more quiet time than you’re currently getting with so many people around. Work with your roommate to find times when you’re either not in the house, or you don’t mind having people around. Then, set regular quiet hours or a curfew of sorts. Ask to have guests leave by 10 or 11 p.m., so you can get ready for bed in peace.
Your roommate could be totally agreeable to this, but have problems actually getting their guests to leave. If this is the case, don’t be afraid to casually mention to said guests that you’ll be getting ready for bed soon. Brush your teeth, walk through the hang-out area in your PJs. Most visitors will be receptive to these signals, and will realize it’s time for lights out. If that still doesn’t work, ask the visitors when they plan to leave. It may be blunt, but it can help to clear things up about when you need some quiet time.
Living with roommates can be stressful, but if you find someone who respects your living preferences, it can be one of the best parts of college. As long as you’re willing to compromise and keep open lines of communication, most roommate problems can be solved with an honest conversation. If worst comes to worst, remember that rooming situations are largely temporary and that it is possible to move out of a bad situation. Give them as much notice as possible, but don’t be afraid to put yourself first. And remember, as bad as things may seem, most people have at least one bad college roommate experience. Given a little time and distance, it’ll make a great story one day.