By Gwen Frost
This week, I decided to go up and talk to two people sitting by the smokers pole next to red square, and asked them some questions about love. Their names are Nirvana Bakony and Sean Dodd.
AR: Why do you think people care so much about love? What’s the hype?
SD: I think part of it is kind of a fulfilling experience. I mean I don’t really know if it’s fulfilling because it genuinely is, or if it’s because we live in a society that teaches us that love is the fulfilling thing. And that finding that other half to you is what’s going to make you a whole person. But there’s also the way friendship is fulfilling, when you get someone who you enjoy the presence of their company, and it becomes something you want in your life. A part of your day you miss, it’s like eating almost that you want to go see someone.
NB: I think there’s an internal and an external world in a sense. You experience your internal world and perceive your external world, and people who stand out are people you fall in love with, whether that be a romantic relationship or a friendship. That’s a part of the external world that aligns with you, and it feels natural and like you’re finding a piece of yourself outside of yourself. I think everybody wants to feel seen and whole, and when you find someone on the external world that makes it into the internal world, then that’s really significant, I don’t know. I do know.
AR: When do you know that you love somebody?
SD: I think when that person becomes a part of my life, or desires that I actively miss and seek out. When it’s not just like, a time-to-time thinking about them but a pretty constant thought. Just wanting to see them all the time. Just wanting their presence.
NB: I know as soon as I see someone, usually. It’s a visual thing, but it’s also an auditory thing. The way someone carries themselves, speaks, the things they say. Sometimes it takes me a little bit to see what is in front of me, but then I do and it’s like my vision goes from blurry to very sharp and defined. I can see waves coming off of them, kind of like the heat on pavement in the summer.
AR: Do you think you have to love yourself before you can love somebody else?
SD: Yeah! Yeah. It almost feels like a pretty heavy prerequisite. Love very much is like a two person thing, both parties of it need to be kind of reciprocating in a way. To learn how to express those loving feelings, first you need to understand how to love yourself. You need to treat the other person you’re loving kind of with the same way you love yourself. If you don’t know how to love yourself, you can’t adequately give the love and reciprocate the feelings.
NB: You can recognize love, but in order to fully experience love in a symbiotic relationship with that other being, you have to accept all aspects of yourself and love yourself completely before that’s even possible in a real sense.
SD: Yeah I think you experience love, but not all aspects of love.
AR: Sometimes though, I feel like people can help you love yourself, because by having people love you, you affirm that you are loveable and that there are things to love about yourself. It could be symbiotic.
AR: Last question. How do you know if you love somebody, or if you just love the way they make you feel?
NB: I’ve had times where I wasn’t loving myself fully and had people express love to me, and it was confusing, because I didn’t believe it. It almost repulsed me, took me aback. I didn’t understand what it was. Then over time, you have a change of heart, and you start to hear what people are saying, and hear what you are saying to yourself. It’s like a mirror.
SD: I think it’s kind of hard to tell the difference between if you love someone or if it’s the way they make you feel, until after the fact, almost. You almost need to evaluate your feelings and see what your intentions were. Was I happy here because it was a mutual thing, or was it a one-sided thing where I was just happy with what it was. Maybe you experience it in a utilitarian sense, like I wanna be around this person because they make me feel good, but love is also wanting to make them feel good.