The Eastern Back is a yearly publication by the staff of the AS Review. Anything contained here probably isn’t true- unless it is. Happy April Fool’s week!
By Gwen Frost
After decades of using boring water for Fischer fountain, Western had decided it is time for a change.
“We need something that will really set us apart from other universities in the region,” said Western’s Director of Communications and Marketing Paul Cocke. “A giant concrete basin of local beer is just going to be a more attainable goal than small class sizes.”
Rainier beer will probably used, because as a state university “we need to represent state pride,” Cocke said.
Students have mixed reviews about the new change.
“It better not be too hoppy. I mean, I’m not like a beer guy, but I can talk about beer. I know what I like. Also dark beer would be a big statement, ya know?” said Junior Ryan Leninburg.
Sophomore Eleanor Benton has hesitations “about the substance itself.”
“My friends and I always fill up our water bottles in the Red Square fountain,” said Benton. “Now I won’t be able to utilize the fountain for drinking until 2 p.m. on school days.”
Aslan Brewery workers are currently in tunnels under the square, connecting kegs to the fountain piping.
“It’s hard to breathe sometimes,” said one worker.