By Gwen Frost
Dear Gwen,
I feel like a buzzing amount of attraction for basically all people that are friendly towards me and attractive. Like all my friends, I feel like I’m in love with them all. Problem is, I’m unable to tell when it’s a feeling worth following because I always have so many crushes. Is this normal?? I also don’t feel comfortable once it gets past the flirting phase. I’m scared once people start to think of us as having a relationship-future. I’m confused.
-TooManyFish
Dear Too Many Fish,
People who’ve got just too much love for others are really special, I think.
The question is, is it negatively impacting your life? Feeling hyper-romantic or sentimental may not be “the norm,” but just because it’s not a norm doesn’t mean it’s a negative things. Physicist geniuses aren’t normal, and 10 minute orgasms aren’t normal… but we love them both anyway!
If you’re trying to differentiate between a typical affectionate feeling (for you) and a different feeling that involves the capacity for something more serious, the only yardstick I would offer would be your gut. Trust it. You could also just base it off of whoever is reciprocating this affection, because if they’re not playing games, this could be a straightforward, emotionally-healthy engagement.
The feeling of fear after a flirting phase could mean a lot of different things.
Maybe you have a fear of intimacy and getting closer within a sexual or romantic relationship. Maybe you aren’t comfortable setting boundaries for sexual activity and are afraid you will feel coerced to meet your partner’s expectations. These are two of the most probable solutions in my head, based off the two paragraphs that I know about you. Ask yourself, how much am I okay with happening with this person? What am I afraid of happening? What is my ideal situation, and how can I express what I want?
You’re flirty and confused, but I know you will continue to find little and big loves wherever you go. There’s a lot of people in the world you will love, and the best thing you can do for those people is be honest with yourself and figure what you want, and what you don’t.