In the entryway, there is a calendar of events happening at the center that month. On Saturday, February 16 there was an educational event called “Femme Tea” and a party later that evening with a Murder Mystery theme. Ella Banken//AS Review
By Hailey Murphy
The Bellingham Sex Positive Center is a non-profit center dedicated to education on healthy fetish and sexual behaviors for adults in Bellingham. Through hands-on workshops, discussion groups and themed parties, adults of all ages and identities can explore a variety of toys and kinks at their facility.
Sex positivity is both a movement and a community, according to a Sex Positive Center board member who, for the sake of privacy and her career, goes by her screen name Bug.
“To me, sex positivity means that we view sexual behavior and fetish behavior as healthy and acceptable and not taboo, even if it’s outside of what normal society considers as taboo or extreme,” Bug said.
The Sex Positive Center seeks to create a safe, inclusive and welcoming environment where all feel comfortable sharing their desires, according to their Facebook page. Some have described the environment as therapeutic because people are free to be themselves and share their ideas, Bug said.
During her first visit, Bug said she found a community of normal, everyday people who were welcoming and willing to answer her questions. She’d expected to see orgies and spanking, but instead found an inviting environment.
“I tried to not look like a newbie, to not look nervous. I walked around and watched people and asked lots of questions,” Bug said. “Then I saw a scene I’ll never forget. A beautiful girl, full of confidence, buck naked. She was the only one naked. She was a large girl, not conventionally beautiful, but to me, she was stunning.”
Bug said the woman suspended in the air was “pure art,” and she knew she’d found a place where she could be accepted.
Bug bought a membership to the Sex Positive Center a week after this initial visit. She’s now been a member for five years and a board member for two.
Participating in the kink community has taught her to embrace the human body and sexual desires, Bug said.
“Sexuality is normal and healthy. Every type of body is beautiful. There’s nothing to be ashamed of,” Bug said. “Sexuality is different for everyone and that’s okay. For me, attraction has evolved to every type of human who I can share energy with. [I’m] no longer seeking a specific gender or type of person, and the goal is not intercourse. It’s a connection.”
Bug also said she’s found her voice through this community and is now better able to communicate her desires.
“When I was a girl, my level of sex education, other than what you were taught in health class, was like, girls lay down and spread your legs and do what your told, more or less,” Bug said. “And through this community I’ve found a voice where I can talk about what I need and want and what my limits are, what my expectations are. We talk about negotiation, how to talk about those things, how it’s okay to do that.”
One way the center ensures this type of communication is through the use of whiteboards. In one of their dungeon rooms, as well as outside their glory hole, whiteboards are available for people to write down their desires.
If anyone is interested in dominating or submitting with a particular type of play, they can write that on the whiteboard. If anyone else wants to engage, the two may connect and negotiate from there, Bug said. The whiteboard propped outside the center’s brand new glory hole ensures the comfortability of the person inside.
The center hosts wide range of teaching opportunities, from workshops to discussion groups to kink-themed parties on the weekends.
“We offer education. We educate on kink skills, we educate on polyamory-type relationships, we do a lot of consent discussions and education,” Bug said. “We teach about negotiation skills, communication skills [and dominant/submissive] dynamic issues.”
An outside expert comes to workshops to teach attendees about kink play. According to Bug, these experts are sometimes world-class and have gone through thousands of hours of practice and education to safely perform these scenes.
Bug said the Sex Positive Center ensures anyone performing kink play on attendees are highly trusted as scenes like shibari rope play and wax play can be dangerous if done incorrectly.
These workshops often have fees associated with them depending on the length of the workshop and who is teaching it. However, these rates are cheaper if you buy a one-year $60 membership. They also host a free consent class every few months.
BSPC hosts discussion groups as well, like a polyamory group and a group for transgender, intersex and genderqueer people. A membership isn’t required to attend a discussion group, but there is a suggested $5 donation.
Then, each weekend, the Sex Positive Center hosts a themed party event. Some parties happen each month, such as their SEXcentric party started by Bug or their BDSM-themed Bound in Bellingham party, while others are one-time events. Each party has 20 to 60 attendees, and there are about 250 active members, Bug said.
The center hosts a Kinksploratorium on the first Friday of each month, where newbies explore kink “tastings” such as impact, rope and furry play. They also educate attendees on the culture and behavior expectations of the center.
Some of these expectations include clear consent, sanitation and complete confidentiality: no phones are allowed inside the dungeon area, and outing someone as an attendee at the center will cause membership to be revoked.
There’s also no drugs or alcohol, for the sake of safety. Anyone who’s suspected to be under the influence will be asked to leave. No guns are allowed either, although people are welcome to bring any kink toys they wish, Bug said.
Each room at the center has a dungeon master to ensure no rules are broken. For example, if someone uses the center’s safe word, “red,” the dungeon master makes sure the safe word is respected, Bug said.
These parties costs $20 for members, or for first-time attendees using their “have a taste” pass. Guests may accompany a member, but must pay a $30 entry fee.
Free party passes can be obtained by volunteering to help maintain and clean the center. They hold a volunteer night each Tuesday and, if you’re a member, three hours of volunteer work will get you a free pass to any party.
Bug described these parties as casual social gatherings, just like going to hang out at a bar. These parties last until about 8 p.m. to 1 a.m. There are no expectations to participate in kink play. In fact, Bug said many people come to socialize and never engage in any play.
“I was surprised as a new person that a lot of people separate sex and BDSM play completely – especially while they’re out in public, though not always,” Bug said. “Sex is allowed [at the center] but a lot of people, they come and they might do a rope scene or an impact scene and that’s it. You’re not expected that there’s more to follow. It’s whatever you negotiate with the person that you’re engaging with.”
The center has two different after-care areas where there are mattresses and curtains for privacy. Here, people can relax after a scene or have sex if they wish. There’s also one room that has a door for more privacy. This room is first-come, first-served, and people are expected to leave after an hour.
Bug said some common misconceptions surrounding the center are that it’s a place for single people to find hook-ups, that you can pay people to engage with you or that their events are all about sex and pain
“BDSM is different for every person. It’s not like ‘50 Shades of Grey,’” Bug said. “It could be about serving tea. It could be about a feather tickler and some fuzzy handcuffs. It could be overcoming fear, trauma or shame. BDSM can be healing.”
Up-to-date information about BSCP events can be found on their Facebook page, their website thebspc.org or their FetLife account. Some information about the center, such as their address, is not available to the public for privacy reasons, but you can contact the center or sign in to FetLife to learn more.