The Eastern Back is a yearly publication by the staff of the AS Review. Anything contained here probably isn’t true- unless it is. Happy April Fool’s week!
By Josh Hughes
Following a long debate about banning cigarette smoking on campus, Western has decided to act: all smoking poles on campus will be removed effective at the start of Spring Quarter.
However, smokers, fear not! Campus has started implementing a program to get all cigarette smokers off the pack and on the Juul.
After seeing so many “vapers”, as they’re called, on campus, administration and the AS board got an idea as to how to solve the problem. Western is now offering a free juul to any student who turns in two packs of cigarettes in to the Student Health Center.
“I mean, we all already know that students rent out library study rooms so they can vape with their friends,” said ASVP for Student Life Annie Gordon. “This way, we’re not necessarily encouraging that, but we’re keeping Marlboros off the streets. Instead of students throwing butts throughout campus, I think we’ll start seeing a lot more Juul chargers in the lost and found.”
Some students around campus have naturally been very upset at the school’s decision. But, even some hardline smokers have come around to the ban.
“I used to pretend I was going to the bathroom to leave class and smoke a cigarette,” said sophomore Julien Martinez. “But now that I think about it, I can actually go to the bathroom and just vape in the stall.”
Another Juul early adopter agreed.
“It only makes sense, especially since people place a higher value on vapes and juuls than they do cigarettes,” said junior Stella Finch. “One time I left my juul at Clayton Beach and my friends and I walked back in the dark to get it. I don’t think we would’ve done that for a pack of cigs. Luckily we found it because of the Supreme sticker I slapped on it. I’m glad Western has finally joined the bandwagon.”
Others still don’t see the point in the ban, and consider it very backwards in Western’s attempt to diversify campus.
“They’re building a Multicultural Center but they won’t let me smoke my celadon American Spirits? That seems very non-inclusive to me,” said a white smoker who wished to remain nameless. “Now I feel so isolated on campus, like everyone’s looking at me, the smoker. The vape bubble guy gets all the love, it’s just not fair.”
Western stands firm by their decision, though they’ve been having a hard time coming up with “youth culture” inspired posters to let students know about their positive outlook on vaping. We’re here at the AS Review to help out with that:
*Pls make funny ads for this